I must thank my dear sister for alerting me to the story of the little Chinese girl lip-synching at the opening ceremony for the Olympics. Do you know what this is folks? It is cheating, and that is about all I'll have to say on this subject. (And you mean to tell me that out of a billion plus people China could not find a cute little girl with a good singing voice?)
Oh but wait, because I suddenly have more to say. As I perused the medal tables earlier this morning or afternoon, a realization came to me that was utterly disturbing. While the great US of A was ahead in the medal count, as we should be (twenty-one total medals versus China's twenty medals), we did trail the host country in terms of number of gold medals. (I believe at that time China led thirteen golds to the US's six or seven.) Now sure, China does have probably four times our population, but still no nation should have more gold medals than the USA. I could only come to the conclusion that there was more cheating going on on the part of China.
But as you might imagine, I was just a tad bit lazy to do the necessary research to see in what events China had cheated to win all of these gold medals. So instead, I have come up with a creative solution to ensure that the US returns to its rightful place as the country with the most gold medals.
My remedy to this problem is quite simple; there just are not enough swimming events in the Olympics yet. I know that Michael Phelps has won every event that he has entered so far in the Olympics, but can we say with a certainty that Phelps would win the 200 meter freestyle-butterfly individual medley if the event were contested? Or for that matter, can we say with a certainty whether Phelps would win - and wait for it - the 400 meter freestyle-butterfly individual medley relay? I say we try it out just in case so that the greatest Olympic athlete of all time can have a chance to win a few more medals. (And you probably noticed that I left out the 250 meter freestyle-butterfly medley relay - well let's not get silly. This would require Phelps to change strokes in the middle of a lap, and while Ihave no doubt that the great Phelps could do this, I'm just not confident that any other swimmers could do so. This just would not be a fair competition and so I will leave it out.)
And why in heavens did they ever limit the number of stroke disciplines to just four?! You're telling me that we couldn't get a little sidestroke action into the swimming program? And no elementary backstroke? Come on! We are so getting cheated in these Olympics!
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
Monday, August 4, 2008
The Brett Favre Saga
Quite frankly, this Brett Favre retirement/non-retirement saga is getting a bit annoying. All you hear about all day long seemingly is whether or not Brett and the Packers are essentially going steady anymore. To be honest, I don't really care, but I got to thinking and I'm pretty sure that there have to be other people who are just as annoyed as I am by this Brett Favre Saga. And so without further delay, here are the top ten people who are pissed off about the Brett Favre Saga.
10. Cabral Williams - Ordinarily I would never have a top ten list that had me at number ten. For the purposes of such a list that would put me in last place, and I don't like to put myself in last place ever. Because I'm a winner. But I put myself here because believe it or not, I think that there are others who are slightly more annoyed by this than I am. Not that they are better than me, because they're not, but they are probably a little more annoyed. And the mitigating factor in the Brett Favre Saga is that as annoying as it is, it is still much more exciting than spending the entire summer worrying about the boring baseball season.
9. Cal Ripken, Jr. - You can see it coming, I can see it coming, so Cal Ripken, Jr. can definitely see it coming. As you may know, Ripken holds the Major League Baseball record for consecutive games played at 2,632. Well, Brett Favre holds the record for most consecutive games started by an NFL quarterback at 253. Knowing Brett (and I don't really know Brett), he won't be satisfied with just taking down Jeff Feagles's (ongoing) NFL record of 320 consecutive games played, he's shooting for Ripken. Now sure, barring an increase in the number of games of an NFL season, and assuming no work stoppages along the way, Favre won't have the opportunity to break Ripken's record until the twelfth game of the 2156 season, but Cal just cannot be happy that Brett just won't hang it up.
8. Fans of the 2156 Green Bay Packers - Now in truth, fans of the prior 140 or so Packers teams will share similar sentiments, but in particular, fans of the 2156 Green Bay Packers (although it is almost certain that none are yet alive) cannot be happy with where this is going. I mean, raise your hand if you would be thrilled if your NFL team was breaking camp with a 186-soon-to-be-187 year old quarterback attempting to lead the team to the championship.
7. Brian Brohm - What looked like an ideal situation, being drafted as the backup quarterback for a guy who had never started an NFL game before, for a team that came extremely close to making it to the Super Bowl last season, suddenly no longer looks so rosy. Tell me, would you want to spend the next century and a half as the third-string quarterback, only coming into the game if both of the guys ahead of you were injured or for mop-up duty during blowout games?
6. Aaron Rodgers - It would seem virtually impossible for anyone to be more annoyed with this Brett Favre Saga than Aaron Rodgers. Rodgers has to be annoyed for similar reasons to those of Brohm, but one has to believe that Rodgers's level of annoyance goes a bit higher (at least one level higher as Rodgers is number six while Brohm was number seven). When Rodgers was coming out of college a few years back, there was some discussion that he might in fact be the number one player taken in the entire draft. Unfortunately for Rodgers, that honor went to Utah's Alex Smith. Rodgers had to have been looking to finally show the world that he is a quality player, and in particular to demonstrate this fact to the more than one person (because I certainly did this and I have to assume that there is at least one other person who did so as well) who derived great enjoyment out of seeing Rodgers slip all the way to the number twenty-four selection. And so Aaron Rodgers has to be saying, "Brett, get out of here! Just retire, old man! Let me have a shot!"
5. Aaron Rodgers - Aaron
4. Aaron Rodgers - Rodgers
3. Aaron Rodgers - Hates
2. Aaron Rodgers - Brett
1. Aaron Rodgers - Favre.
10. Cabral Williams - Ordinarily I would never have a top ten list that had me at number ten. For the purposes of such a list that would put me in last place, and I don't like to put myself in last place ever. Because I'm a winner. But I put myself here because believe it or not, I think that there are others who are slightly more annoyed by this than I am. Not that they are better than me, because they're not, but they are probably a little more annoyed. And the mitigating factor in the Brett Favre Saga is that as annoying as it is, it is still much more exciting than spending the entire summer worrying about the boring baseball season.
9. Cal Ripken, Jr. - You can see it coming, I can see it coming, so Cal Ripken, Jr. can definitely see it coming. As you may know, Ripken holds the Major League Baseball record for consecutive games played at 2,632. Well, Brett Favre holds the record for most consecutive games started by an NFL quarterback at 253. Knowing Brett (and I don't really know Brett), he won't be satisfied with just taking down Jeff Feagles's (ongoing) NFL record of 320 consecutive games played, he's shooting for Ripken. Now sure, barring an increase in the number of games of an NFL season, and assuming no work stoppages along the way, Favre won't have the opportunity to break Ripken's record until the twelfth game of the 2156 season, but Cal just cannot be happy that Brett just won't hang it up.
8. Fans of the 2156 Green Bay Packers - Now in truth, fans of the prior 140 or so Packers teams will share similar sentiments, but in particular, fans of the 2156 Green Bay Packers (although it is almost certain that none are yet alive) cannot be happy with where this is going. I mean, raise your hand if you would be thrilled if your NFL team was breaking camp with a 186-soon-to-be-187 year old quarterback attempting to lead the team to the championship.
7. Brian Brohm - What looked like an ideal situation, being drafted as the backup quarterback for a guy who had never started an NFL game before, for a team that came extremely close to making it to the Super Bowl last season, suddenly no longer looks so rosy. Tell me, would you want to spend the next century and a half as the third-string quarterback, only coming into the game if both of the guys ahead of you were injured or for mop-up duty during blowout games?
6. Aaron Rodgers - It would seem virtually impossible for anyone to be more annoyed with this Brett Favre Saga than Aaron Rodgers. Rodgers has to be annoyed for similar reasons to those of Brohm, but one has to believe that Rodgers's level of annoyance goes a bit higher (at least one level higher as Rodgers is number six while Brohm was number seven). When Rodgers was coming out of college a few years back, there was some discussion that he might in fact be the number one player taken in the entire draft. Unfortunately for Rodgers, that honor went to Utah's Alex Smith. Rodgers had to have been looking to finally show the world that he is a quality player, and in particular to demonstrate this fact to the more than one person (because I certainly did this and I have to assume that there is at least one other person who did so as well) who derived great enjoyment out of seeing Rodgers slip all the way to the number twenty-four selection. And so Aaron Rodgers has to be saying, "Brett, get out of here! Just retire, old man! Let me have a shot!"
5. Aaron Rodgers - Aaron
4. Aaron Rodgers - Rodgers
3. Aaron Rodgers - Hates
2. Aaron Rodgers - Brett
1. Aaron Rodgers - Favre.
Friday, August 1, 2008
Late Night Pizza
In the wee hours of a Friday morning, Cabral decides that it is a good idea to drive two girls who he has never met before to wherever it is they have to go after witnessing the dude that was supposed to take them there storm off angrily and after seeing the girls eat pizza that had fallen on the ground.
Someone, let's just say it was Heebs, decides to call the Wonder Twins...
Meanwhile, miles away at Chuck E. Cheese's, the Wonder Twins are engaged in a spirited game of skee ball...
Zan: "Watch this, Wonder Sis, I'm totally about to sink this ball in the fifty!"
Jayna: "The only way you'll sink it in the fifty is if you are really very nifty!"
Moments later, an alarm goes off...
Zan: "Jupiters! It's the Teen Trouble Alert!"
Heebs (through the TTA speaker): "Wonder Twins! I just saw Cabral walk off to drive two girls who may be drunk and just ate pizza that fell on the ground!"
Jayna: "Oh no! We'd better get over there right now!"
Jayna and Zan: "Wonder Twin p-"
Heebs: "Wait, where are you right now?"
Zan: "We're at Chuck E. Cheese's."
Heebs: "Why? It's like 2:30 in the morning. Isn't that place closed?"
Jayna: "Yes, but Gleek wanted to play Whac-A-Mole and Chuck E. Cheese's won't let us in with monkeys when there are children around anymore. The last time we brought him here when kids were here, he bit a kid and gave him rabies."
Heebs: "So you broke into Chuck E. Cheese's."
Jayna: "We'd better go help Cabral!"
Jayna and Zan: "Wonder Twin powers activate!"
Jayna: "Shape of an eagle!"
Zan: "Form of water!"
And so Jayna flies off holding Gleek who carries Zan in a bucket.
Meanwhile, a short distance away, Cabral brings his car to a stop in an empty parking lot.
Girl #1 (in the passenger seat): "I think that she is totally about to puke back there."
Cabral: "That would totally suck since you've already dropped my pizza on the ground."
Just then the Wonder Twins (and Gleek) arrive.
Jayna and Zan: "Wonder Twin powers deactivate!"
Zan: "What seems to be the problem kids?"
Cabral: "I'm not really a kid anymore, but why are you guys still answering the Teen Trouble Alert? Aren't you like forty-five years old or so by now?"
Girl #1: "Girl #2 ate some pizza off the ground and now she's in the back of the car about to puke!"
Jayna: "This calls for some Wonder Twin power, Wonder Brother!"
Jayna and Zan: "Wonder Twin powers activate!"
Jayna: "Shape of a -"
Cabral: "Sponge!"
Zan: "Form of -"
Cabral: "Water!"
Thinking quickly, Cabral tossed sponge-Jayna into Gleek's bucket containing water-Zan. Cabral then forced the monkey to clean up the puke in his car using Jayna and Zan. After Gleek had finished cleaning the puke out of Cabral's car, the Wonder Twins had reverted back to their alien forms.
Cabral: "Thanks Wonder Twins! I would have been in trouble if you hadn't showed up."
Girl #1: "Yeah, thanks Wonder Twins! If you hadn't showed up I would have had to clean up the puke or Girl #2 would have still been lying facedown in the puke because I don't think Cabral was going to clean it up."
Cabral: "You're right Girl #1!"
Jayna: "Remember kids, don't talk to strangers."
Zan: "Yeah kids, and never eat pizza that has fallen on the ground."
Gleek: "Glck, glglglglck, glglck!"
Zan: "What is it Gleek?"
Jayna: "I think that Gleek wants to eat the puke that's stuck in your hair, Wonder Brother!"
Zan: "That's great Wonder Sis! Maybe afterwards he'll eat the puke that's stuck in your hair!"
Cabral: "Thanks again Wonder Twins!"
Cabral drives off leaving Girls #1 and #2 with the Wonder Twins as Gleek, having finished eating the puke out of Zan's hair moves on to eat the puke out of Jayna's hair.
Someone, let's just say it was Heebs, decides to call the Wonder Twins...
Meanwhile, miles away at Chuck E. Cheese's, the Wonder Twins are engaged in a spirited game of skee ball...
Zan: "Watch this, Wonder Sis, I'm totally about to sink this ball in the fifty!"
Jayna: "The only way you'll sink it in the fifty is if you are really very nifty!"
Moments later, an alarm goes off...
Zan: "Jupiters! It's the Teen Trouble Alert!"
Heebs (through the TTA speaker): "Wonder Twins! I just saw Cabral walk off to drive two girls who may be drunk and just ate pizza that fell on the ground!"
Jayna: "Oh no! We'd better get over there right now!"
Jayna and Zan: "Wonder Twin p-"
Heebs: "Wait, where are you right now?"
Zan: "We're at Chuck E. Cheese's."
Heebs: "Why? It's like 2:30 in the morning. Isn't that place closed?"
Jayna: "Yes, but Gleek wanted to play Whac-A-Mole and Chuck E. Cheese's won't let us in with monkeys when there are children around anymore. The last time we brought him here when kids were here, he bit a kid and gave him rabies."
Heebs: "So you broke into Chuck E. Cheese's."
Jayna: "We'd better go help Cabral!"
Jayna and Zan: "Wonder Twin powers activate!"
Jayna: "Shape of an eagle!"
Zan: "Form of water!"
And so Jayna flies off holding Gleek who carries Zan in a bucket.
Meanwhile, a short distance away, Cabral brings his car to a stop in an empty parking lot.
Girl #1 (in the passenger seat): "I think that she is totally about to puke back there."
Cabral: "That would totally suck since you've already dropped my pizza on the ground."
Just then the Wonder Twins (and Gleek) arrive.
Jayna and Zan: "Wonder Twin powers deactivate!"
Zan: "What seems to be the problem kids?"
Cabral: "I'm not really a kid anymore, but why are you guys still answering the Teen Trouble Alert? Aren't you like forty-five years old or so by now?"
Girl #1: "Girl #2 ate some pizza off the ground and now she's in the back of the car about to puke!"
Jayna: "This calls for some Wonder Twin power, Wonder Brother!"
Jayna and Zan: "Wonder Twin powers activate!"
Jayna: "Shape of a -"
Cabral: "Sponge!"
Zan: "Form of -"
Cabral: "Water!"
Thinking quickly, Cabral tossed sponge-Jayna into Gleek's bucket containing water-Zan. Cabral then forced the monkey to clean up the puke in his car using Jayna and Zan. After Gleek had finished cleaning the puke out of Cabral's car, the Wonder Twins had reverted back to their alien forms.
Cabral: "Thanks Wonder Twins! I would have been in trouble if you hadn't showed up."
Girl #1: "Yeah, thanks Wonder Twins! If you hadn't showed up I would have had to clean up the puke or Girl #2 would have still been lying facedown in the puke because I don't think Cabral was going to clean it up."
Cabral: "You're right Girl #1!"
Jayna: "Remember kids, don't talk to strangers."
Zan: "Yeah kids, and never eat pizza that has fallen on the ground."
Gleek: "Glck, glglglglck, glglck!"
Zan: "What is it Gleek?"
Jayna: "I think that Gleek wants to eat the puke that's stuck in your hair, Wonder Brother!"
Zan: "That's great Wonder Sis! Maybe afterwards he'll eat the puke that's stuck in your hair!"
Cabral: "Thanks again Wonder Twins!"
Cabral drives off leaving Girls #1 and #2 with the Wonder Twins as Gleek, having finished eating the puke out of Zan's hair moves on to eat the puke out of Jayna's hair.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
