The Diary of the Adventures of Superman as a Boy

Superman is without a doubt the greatest superhero ever created. How do we know this? Well, Superman is the most powerful superhero and that naturally means that he must be the greatest. Let’s see, Superman can fly, he has super breath, x-ray vision, heat vision, virtual invulnerability, super speed, and so on and so forth. But those are only his most commonly used abilities. Did you know that Superman is capable of time travel? It’s true! He did it in Superman: the Movie, and in the course also violated many laws of physics. Superman is also capable of creating illusions of himself (he did it in Superman II) and telekinesis (okay maybe he didn’t do this himself in Superman II, but one of the other Kryptonians did so and this must mean that Superman can do it). And then of course one can make the claim that he is capable of actually replicating himself (did it in Superman III), but this may have actually just been a war within his own head without Clark Kent and the evil Superman actually fighting. But I have not mentioned Superman’s greatest power – one that is always overlooked. His greatest power is his ability to wear red briefs over full body covering blue tights. This ability no other superhero has been able to duplicate.

Whew! That was a mouthful. Superman often wonders what life would have been like if he had not been such a boy scout, but rather, was “bad to the bone.” Luckily enough, I have discovered Superman’s very own diary about these subjects, and now I present to you an excerpt from the Diary of the Adventures of Superman as a Boy if He Could be a Boy Again…

07-17-xxxx - I've been feeling depressed lately. Yes, that's right Superman does get depressed sometimes. It's hard going through life knowing that you are the best and not being able to show everyone else how much you enjoy knowing you are the best. You know what I'm talking about, right? Ha! Of course you don't know what I'm talking about since you are not Superman and you are not the best. Wait a minute. Who am I talking to here? Since this is Superman's diary, anyone caught reading it would be dead. (And resistance would be futile since Superman has no weaknesses.) That is, anyone who isn't a hot chick who is caught reading this would be dead. I have other ways of dealing with hot chicks caught reading this diary, namely, making out with them to cause them to forget. But I am depressed and I need to find some sort of remedy. Let me see, how did I deal with this sort of thing in the past? I know how to find out. Let me get my trusty blue tights and red briefs out and do flying back into the past to find out. I'll take the diary along with me. I'll put it in my briefs since it will be protected from the heat there...

Oh wait, I see myself over there looking a little depressed. Let's see, I can vaguely remember this happening. I had just been turned down on a date to the school dance by this really hot chick. Instead, she went with some meathead. If anyone should have gone to the dance with this chick and stood on the opposite side of the gym with the guys while she stood on the opposite side of the gym with the other girls, it should have been me. Okay, I have to go talk some sense into me.

Wow, that was close it's a good thing that I put on that disguise before going over there. But it was a really close call when I asked me what my name and how I knew that I had powers. Luckily, I was able to think quickly and come up with 'El-Kal' for a name and I seemed to be satisfied enough with this. So I told myself I really should start using my powers to sabotage this meathead so that I could get the hot chicks. I mean, what good are powers if you aren't using them to pick up chicks? Come to think of it, I vaguely remember my depression ending after I ran into some mysterious stranger so many years ago...

Oh well, I've done my good here on this day. I probably should head back to the present.

Now where did I put those red briefs...