The Diary of the Adventures of Superman as a Boy if He Could be a Boy Again

Superman is without a doubt the greatest superhero ever created. How do we know this? Well, Superman is the most powerful superhero and that naturally means that he must be the greatest. Let’s see, Superman can fly, he has super breath, x-ray vision, heat vision, virtual invulnerability, super speed, and so on and so forth. But those are only his most commonly used abilities. Did you know that Superman is capable of time travel? It’s true! He did it in Superman: the Movie, and in the course also violated many laws of physics. Superman is also capable of creating illusions of himself (he did it in Superman II) and telekinesis (okay maybe he didn’t do this himself in Superman II, but one of the other Kryptonians did so and this must mean that Superman can do it). And then of course one can make the claim that he is capable of actually replicating himself (did it in Superman III), but this may have actually just been a war within his own head without Clark Kent and the evil Superman actually fighting. But I have not mentioned Superman’s greatest power – one that is always overlooked. His greatest power is his ability to wear red briefs over full body covering blue tights. This ability no other superhero has been able to duplicate.

Whew! That was a mouthful. Superman often wonders what life would have been like if he had not been such a boy scout, but rather, was “bad to the bone.” Luckily enough, I have discovered Superman’s very own diary about these subjects, and now I present to you an excerpt from the Diary of the Adventures of Superman as a Boy if He Could be a Boy Again…

04-24-xxxx - Those bastards! I guess the cat is out of the bag, as they say. So these jerks have discovered that kryptonite is not actually radioactive. So obviously if kryptonite is not radioactive, it's only a matter of time before these geniuses figure things out and realize that I'm not really weakened by the stuff. I mean seriously, they should have realized this beforehand. I'm Superman, for heaven's sake, nothing weakens Superman. And just to be clear, Superman has realized that Superman has not spoken about Superman in the third person enough, or at all, in Superman's diary, and so Superman will have to do so more. But again, once these idiots make this discovery, they're bound to wonder why Superman would possibly pretend to be weakened by kryptonite and in the process allow people to remain in danger. The answer is quite simple; Superman has learned that to some degree, chicks are attracted to vulnerability, even hot chicks. If chicks believe that Superman is vulnerable, they will be drawn to Superman...err, Superman means they will be drawn to Superman even more than they already are. So if a few people have to experience danger for a little bit longer while Superman pretends to be vulnerable to kryptonite, then so be it. As long as it helps Superman get the hot chicks... Besides, Superman only really likes saving hot chicks anyway. Oh yeah, and chicks, those of you who wear lead lined clothing because you don't think Superman's x-ray vision can see through lead, ha, ha, ha, gotcha!

For some reason Superman thinks Superman needs Superman's red briefs...