Clubbing 'em Over the Head

Only a short three weeks remain until the premiere of the television program that is millions of years in the making. For my friends, on October 2, 2007 on the ABC network the show Cavemen will debut to eager audiences across the United States.

For those unaware, and you would almost have to have not viewed a program on television since the last time a caveman actually roamed the Earth to be unaware, this Cavemen program is inspired by the cavemen portrayals in the advertisements of the auto insurance company GEICO. In these commercials, the cavemen are routinely offended by the GEICO slogan concerning the GEICO website, "so easy a caveman could do it." And so according to wikipedia, Variety magazine reports that the show "will revolve around three pre-historic men who must battle prejudice as they attempt to live as normal thirtysomethings in modern Atlanta." Now that sounds just great - these cavemen should not allow people to prejudge who they are. After all, they are modern, intelligent, cultured, and reside in really swell abodes. That's really great stuff, but the premise of this show is fatally flawed. Oh, people will still watch it, but the premise of the program is still irretrievably flawed.

When all is said and done, what is it that truly makes a caveman a caveman? Oh, that's right, a caveman has to live in a cave!!!! Where do these so-called cavemen live? Why, they appear from the commercials to live in luxury apartments. Now, I have no problem with these guys owning nice digs and having lots of cash on hand, but if you are going to call yourself a caveman, it seems a necessary condition to me that you must spend a not insignificant portion of your time within a cave. Or maybe the argument is being made that these guys really are cavemen from millions of years ago who are living in the present day. Well, in that case, they are not "thirtysomethings," they are millionsomethings and they would spend the majority of their days wandering the streets clubbing women over the heads.

Just because someone is really hairy does not mean that he is a caveman. Enjoy this crappy show if you must, but I won't be watching it.