The Diary of the Adventures of Superman as a Boy

Superman is without a doubt the greatest superhero ever created. How do we know this? Well, Superman is the most powerful superhero and that naturally means that he must be the greatest. Let’s see, Superman can fly, he has super breath, x-ray vision, heat vision, virtual invulnerability, super speed, and so on and so forth. But those are only his most commonly used abilities. Did you know that Superman is capable of time travel? It’s true! He did it in Superman: the Movie, and in the course also violated many laws of physics. Superman is also capable of creating illusions of himself (he did it in Superman II) and telekinesis (okay maybe he didn’t do this himself in Superman II, but one of the other Kryptonians did so and this must mean that Superman can do it). And then of course one can make the claim that he is capable of actually replicating himself (did it in Superman III), but this may have actually just been a war within his own head without Clark Kent and the evil Superman actually fighting. But I have not mentioned Superman’s greatest power – one that is always overlooked. His greatest power is his ability to wear red briefs over full body covering blue tights. This ability no other superhero has been able to duplicate.

Whew! That was a mouthful. Superman often wonders what life would have been like if he had not been such a boy scout, but rather, was “bad to the bone.” Luckily enough, I have discovered Superman’s very own diary about these subjects, and now I present to you an excerpt from the Diary of the Adventures of Superman as a Boy if He Could be a Boy Again…

09-19-xxxx - I really do enjoy helping people - fighting for those who are not able to fight for themselves. The way I look at it, I'm really fighting for truth, I'm fighting for justice, and it really feels great to go out there and save a person's life so that he or she is able to go home and see his or her family. Some people just aren't that lucky.

Obviously this isn't something that has just come to mind now. I have been thinking about this for a long time. I've been thinking about so much especially in reference to my friend Bruce Wayne. He's Batman, and I feel free to reveal his identity in this my diary because I know that there is no possibility that anyone else will ever read it. But as I was saying, Bruce has given so much, he's saved so many lives. It's a shame that he had to experience such a loss at such an early age when his parents were murdered. But do you know what? I can do something about that. All it will take is one serving of body-length blue tights, a pinch of red briefs, and a hefty dose of relativity violating time travel. I'll go back in time and save Bruce's parents as a gift to him because he has given so much...

Ha, ha, ha, ha - just kidding! No, I mean I really am going to go back in time and save Bruce's parents, but because that will mean that he will never become Batman. Let's be honest, all those people that Batman has been saving, I could have very easily saved them myself. Come on people; I'm Superman! And without Batman hanging around all of the time, Wonder Woman will finally come to her senses and realize that the Man of Steel is the only one that any of the chicks should ever want. Caped Crusader... What a joke.

Now where did I put those red briefs...