The Answer is Yes

There's a new phenomenon sweeping the country (and by the country I mean the United States). And this phenomenon is the Fox network's new show Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? I would say bonus points go to those of you reading this who already know that there is not a chance that I have actually watched this program to date (and it is highly likely that I will never watch this program), but I probably should be a bit more stingy with the bonus points that I am handing out. But as many people are well aware, the fact that I have not actually watched this program does not in any way preclude me from making comments about its merits.

The first brief statement that I will make is yes, I am smarter than a fifth grader. I know that this was a long time ago, but I do remember being smarter than several fifth graders way back when I was in the fifth grade. (I do not like to brag, but as the smartest kid in my class, I was smarter than all of the other fifth graders.) To take this a step further, I was smarter than a fifth grader when I was in the fourth grade, and finally when I was in the third grade, my older brother was in the fifth grade and goodness knows that I was smarter than many of his classmates. So at this point, for at least twenty years I have been able to answer in the affirmative as to the question of whether or not I am smarter than a fifth grader. So obviously with this in mind I would have to automatically be declared the winner once I start playing the game, right? The show and game is called Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? and the answer is yes, so I win. That's good work by me, but moving on, I find some things troubling.

The first thing that is troubling is that Jeff Foxworthy is the host. I would suggest as evidence for why he should not host any sort of show exhibit (a) The Jeff Foxworthy Show, (b) any of his CDs, and (c) any of his "comedy" routines. It's about as bad as getting Bob Saget to host 1 vs 100, only replace The Jeff Foxworthy Show with Full House, and drop the part about CDs since as far as I know Bob Saget has not released any CDs. The second thing that is troubling is why they chose to use fifth graders in the first place. Was it that they could not find some supposedly all-knowing fourth grade wunderkind to use on the show? And to some degree related to the last troubling part, what happens to Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? next year? I'm sure the kids will want to reprise their roles on the show in the next season. But guess what; the kids won't be fifth graders anymore. Will these evil show producers force these kids to fail in their current grade just to keep their jobs? Well, it is Fox so you never know.

That's just horrible.

In Support of DePauw University

I'm not sure if you have heard the news everyone, but DePauw University has cut ties with the Delta Zeta sorority, asking them to leave campus by the fall of this year. You can read about it here http://www.cnn.com/2007/EDUCATION/03/12/troubled.sorority.ap/index.html, if you are so inclined. Well, I do want to say that I support DePauw University in its accusations of the sorority's discrimination, and believe that the actions of the university were quite appropriate. For the Delta Zeta sorority clearly has a discrimination problem if they are unable to discriminate between girls who are hot/popular and those who aren't hot/popular and are thus letting girls in who are neither hot nor popular.

The evidence is quite clear in this case I'm afraid. The sorority started the year with thirty-five members, but had to move twenty-three to alumnae status to get them out of the sorority house. You don't have to be a math wiz to see that this was an exceptionally poor hot:not hot ratio. Nearly two thirds of the girls in the sorority clearly were not hot, and the university could stand for it no longer. But since the thirty-five girls that populated the sorority house at the beginning of the year represented about a third of the house's capacity, it is clear that there was a deeper problem. Again if you do the math, this means that Delta Zeta at DePauw University had populated the sorority house with roughly only one ninth of the hot girls that the university was expecting. Since seventy percent of the student population joins the Greek system at the university, this means that Delta Zeta clearly was not pulling its weight. Delta Zeta had to go; it was a sound business decision. Any sorority that cannot do what it is meant to do and attract a house full of hot, popular girls has no place on an academic campus.

Bravo DePauw University!