Diminishing Returns

I'm sure most are aware by now that the New York Yankees were eliminated from the playoffs last night. As an avowed Yankees hater, this should have brought me great pleasure. After all, have I not told many people that I am more driven by Yankee losses than by wins by my own New York Mets? I'm afraid that sadly last night's exit by the Yankees from the playoffs brought me little excitement.

Who would have guessed that the economic law of diminishing returns would have any bearing on baseball? I suppose that I should qualify the last sentence by asking who would have guessed the law of diminishing returns would have any bearing on my own enjoyment of baseball. For it is quite obvious if one follows the history of the Yankees over the last few years that this principle does apply. For every additional million dollars that the Yankees have spent on some washed up has been/never was who with all likelihood only ever achieved success because of steroid use, how much closer to the championship have they ended up getting? Marginally at best, and even farther away at worse. I mean, the Yankees certainly got a sweet deal with all of that money that they spent on Roger Clemens.

But getting back to the Yankees losing, I find it very hard to get excited about it anymore. This is probably because I am not surprised by the outcome in the very least anymore. The late playoff run that the Yankees put forward over the last two months notwithstanding, did anyone really expect the Yankees to get their acts together after such a disastrous start? This season got to the point where you basically expected Mike Mussina to give up about eight runs or so every time he pitched, or you expected Roger Clemens to go down with a strained hamstring or fatigued right groin every time he pitched.

But alas, it brought to me no great enjoyment other than the fact that I can now bid adieu to the 2007 baseball season.

A Thirty-Day Makeover

The date was May 6, 2007 and the location was The Bronx, New York City, New York State, United States of America. And in particular, the scene in the Bronx was Yankee Stadium, the House that Ruth Built. A momentous event occurred on this day, as the great Roger Clemens announced that he was returning to from like his fourteenth retirement to play once again with the New York Yankees. At the time, the Yankees were in the midst of a mediocre start. They were 13-15 at the moment Clemens made that announcement during the seventh inning stretch of that particular game. However, Clemens presence paid immediate dividends as the Yankees went on to victory that day. True, the Yankees were already ahead at the point when Clemens made the announcement 3-0, and the Mariners only had six more outs with which to work, but the bottom line is that the Yankees scored two more runs and they won the game 5-0. Red Sox look out!

And now we are thirty days removed from that monumental day - that day when the Yankees' very own knight in shining armor (along the lines of the soon to be knighted David Beckham) rode in to save the season. And what a turn around it has been! The Yankees have been an unstoppable juggernaut since then. They've steamrolled opponent after opponent. Roger Clemens has been virtually unhittable, shutting down every single American League lineup he has faced. This sort of surge by the great Yankees has certainly justified the unbelievable amout of television coverage that ESPN has dedicated to The Rocket's return. Print those playoff and World Series tickets right now!

Wow! Forgive me please. I momentarily slipped off into delusional, psychadelic, hyper-euphoric, crazy-person Yankee fan fantasy land. For a good example of what this sounds like, listen here. But if you have been watching the ESPN family of networks since Clemens's grand announcement you probably won't have had to listen to that link. ESPN's slavish devotion to all things Yankees since Clemens made that announcement has been downright sickening. It's like, "Oh my gosh! Roger Clemens is starting in a single A baseball game! We simply have to dedicate a channel to covering this, or maybe two channels!"

Since the conclusion of games on May 6, the Yankees are 10-16. They are currently tied for last place in their division. That Clemens addition has surely been a shot in the arm to boost this team! Clemens has started precisely zero major league games. But does that stop ESPN from broadcasting games featuring the crappy Yankees and other teams that are mediocre at best? Of course not! Just last night ESPN showed a game between the Yankees and Chicago White Sox. Going into the game, the White Sox were 25-27 and the Yankees were 24-30. The White Sox won the game of course. Now granted, perhaps ESPN might have been justified in showing the game if Roger Clemens started as was originally planned but Clemens had to pull out of the game with a "fatigued right groin." So wouldn't it have been wise because of Clemens's fatigued right groin for the people at ESPN to say, "Holy crap! Clemens is not starting because of a fatigued right groin! Maybe we should show another game rather than this one which features two crappy teams. We'll just plan to broadcast Clemens's actual first start after he recovers from his fatigued right groin."? I think that this would have been the way to go.

But hats off to the Yankees and their fans (and ESPN as well)! The Yankees are 12.5 games out of first place, but never fear, they have a forty-four year old pitcher who is currently injured with a fatigued right groin who is certain to lead them to glory!

The Hate is Back

Hate. It can be a very good thing when properly applied. But what is the proper application of hate? There are many answers to this question, it is almost certain that many people will answer the question differently. I intend to give one perspective, one that I feel is unequivocal, one that is inarguable.

Hate is properly applied when it is directed at the New York Yankees, and particularly, when the roster of the New York Yankees includes Roger Clemens. The picture will prove my credentials in this particular subject, or at least the broader subject of Yankee Hating. I know what it is to hate the New York Yankees, and if you do not, I wish to persuade you that it is an altogether natural and positive course to pursue.

Pure and simple, the New York Yankees are evil - among the purest forms of evil that exist. Consequently, they were quite easy to hate during the early stages of this baseball season. However, the Yankee hatred seemed somewhat incomplete. I could not put my full heart into the hate. There was something missing. Enter Roger Clemens and the completion of my hatred.

The last few baseball seasons have been quite satisfying: the Yankees have been eliminated from the baseball playoffs in arguably ever more humiliating fashion as the years have progressed. This pleased me greatly, but the problem was that my hatred was divided. While the New York Yankees will always be first when it comes to my hatred, whatever team Roger Clemens happens to call his own will be second. Divided hatred can be quite difficult, and this is especially true in a sport like baseball. Divided hatred meant over the last couple of seasons that I had to pay attention to twice as many teams hoping that they would lose as would be the ideal. Now with Roger Clemens rejoining the Yankees my hatred is focused in the one place that it belongs.

And why does my hatred of the Yankees increase when Roger Clemens joins them? Well, quite simply because Roger Clemens is a bona fide jerk. The only people who are likely to see otherwise are his family members, a few of his forgetful teammates, and a great many idiotic Yankees fans. (Those foolish Yankees fans who will cheer his return seem to conveniently forget that he "retired" from their team three seasons ago only to show up pitching for the Astros for a couple of seasons. I cannot begin to tell you how pleasing it will be to see Yankees fans' faces when they realize that (a) Roger Clemens is a jerk and (b) he won't be leading them to some glorious victory.)

Alas, the next few months should be enjoyable to watch as old man George Steinbrenner gets ever closer to the point where he literally try to strangle Joe Torre as the Yankees fall apart. The hate is back...