The Hate is Back

Hate. It can be a very good thing when properly applied. But what is the proper application of hate? There are many answers to this question, it is almost certain that many people will answer the question differently. I intend to give one perspective, one that I feel is unequivocal, one that is inarguable.

Hate is properly applied when it is directed at the New York Yankees, and particularly, when the roster of the New York Yankees includes Roger Clemens. The picture will prove my credentials in this particular subject, or at least the broader subject of Yankee Hating. I know what it is to hate the New York Yankees, and if you do not, I wish to persuade you that it is an altogether natural and positive course to pursue.

Pure and simple, the New York Yankees are evil - among the purest forms of evil that exist. Consequently, they were quite easy to hate during the early stages of this baseball season. However, the Yankee hatred seemed somewhat incomplete. I could not put my full heart into the hate. There was something missing. Enter Roger Clemens and the completion of my hatred.

The last few baseball seasons have been quite satisfying: the Yankees have been eliminated from the baseball playoffs in arguably ever more humiliating fashion as the years have progressed. This pleased me greatly, but the problem was that my hatred was divided. While the New York Yankees will always be first when it comes to my hatred, whatever team Roger Clemens happens to call his own will be second. Divided hatred can be quite difficult, and this is especially true in a sport like baseball. Divided hatred meant over the last couple of seasons that I had to pay attention to twice as many teams hoping that they would lose as would be the ideal. Now with Roger Clemens rejoining the Yankees my hatred is focused in the one place that it belongs.

And why does my hatred of the Yankees increase when Roger Clemens joins them? Well, quite simply because Roger Clemens is a bona fide jerk. The only people who are likely to see otherwise are his family members, a few of his forgetful teammates, and a great many idiotic Yankees fans. (Those foolish Yankees fans who will cheer his return seem to conveniently forget that he "retired" from their team three seasons ago only to show up pitching for the Astros for a couple of seasons. I cannot begin to tell you how pleasing it will be to see Yankees fans' faces when they realize that (a) Roger Clemens is a jerk and (b) he won't be leading them to some glorious victory.)

Alas, the next few months should be enjoyable to watch as old man George Steinbrenner gets ever closer to the point where he literally try to strangle Joe Torre as the Yankees fall apart. The hate is back...