As everyone knows by now, the Academy Awards were handed out yesterday evening. There were some surprise winners, and some awards went precisely where most people expected. And showing my talent for timing things perfectly, I turned to the channel on which the Academy Awards were being broadcast just in time to see No Country for Old Men win the award for best picture. Perfect timing.
Generally I don't watch any of these awards shows. The Academy Awards would tend to be the exception, as I am far more likely to watch this program than any of the other shows. And since I watched roughly two minutes of the Academy Awards, and since this total time dwarfed the amount of time combined that I have spent watching all other awards shows this year, there is very little of substance that I can say about this year's editions of those programs. However, using the Academy Awards as inspiration, and based on the overwhelming success that I had the last time I wrote about a movie (and please ignore the foolish comments), I wish to discuss the movie Gremlins.
Now some time ago (in a different space) I discussed this very topic. There is something about the movie Gremlins that disturbs me greatly. And of course what bothers me about the movie centers around the rules governing the mogwai. The first rule I don't really care about, never expose the mogwai to the sun or bright light, or it will die. Okay, I get this one; I have no complaints here. But the second rule is never get them wet. What exactly does this mean? Does it mean that a mogwai could not stroll the streets of Houston, TX because it is always so ridiculously humid that you feel like taking a shower each time you step out of your car (at least during the months of March through November). So is the humidity in the air not sufficient enough to get the mogwai wet? And does this mean that a mogwai can never take a drink of water for fear of reproducing? And let's go another step further. What happens if the mogwai is wet by Kool-Aid or by Olde English 800? These are very important unanswered questions if I do say so myself. (And I do.)
But of course this brings me to the stupidest rule of them all, never feed the mogwai after midnight. What exactly does this mean? It seems pretty clear that 12:01 am would count as after midnight and I suppose it would probably be bad to feed them at 12:13 am. But what about at say 4:45 am? This is still after midnight isn't it? And last I checked, 1:33 pm is still technically after midnight as well. So when can you and when can you not feed the little monsters? And what happens when the mogwai crosses into a different time zone? Let's say that the mogwai is in a part of Indiana that is near the time zone boundary. It's just after midnight in the Eastern Time Zone, but the mogwai feels like a late night snack. Can the mogwai walk across the street to the corner deli that is in the Central Time Zone and eat a sandwich without the fear of changing into a demon? Answer these questions for me if you please.