There are very few people who have not heard of Kevin Federline and Britney Spears. As to whether this fact is a good thing or a bad thing is up to one's own interpretation. (It's a bad thing.) But with all that has been going on in the lives of these two very talented individuals, I thought that it would be worthwhile to periodically provide updates of the current rankings of the two. So, what follows are the current rankings between the two, with short explanations given for each. First place votes appear in parentheses.
Rankings for May 22, 2007
1. Lindsay Lohan (1) - Lindsay Lohan takes the top spot in this edition of the Spears-Federline Rankings. Though these events are somewhat dated, it appears that Miss Lohan has a thing for cocaine! Now don't be confused, the committee would never approve of drug use. The fact that Miss Lohan allegedly has been seen taking up to twenty lines of cocaine on a given night actually caused Lohan to drop perilously close to the number two spot in the Spears-Federline Rankings. The committee does not enjoy celebrity self-destructive habits and would never celebrate them. However, Lohan keeps the top spot in the rankings for having starred in the movies The Parent Trap, Herbie: Fully Loaded, and Georgia Rule, and for having released the album Speak, all committee favorites.
2. Paris Hilton - Paris Hilton takes the number two spot in this edition of the rankings because though her overwhelming sense of self-importance and her wanton disreguard for the law are quite remarkable, they were not enough to keep her out of jail. Though Hilton's position at number two was initially quite solid (we could not but laugh at the fact that she was crying, claiming to have been treated unfairly, and we truly pitied any potential cell mates), the committee had serious thoughts about moving Hilton to the number one spot when it learned that by some unfathomable stroke of the most infinitesimal of chances the committee happened to be on the same side of an issue with the truly unbearable Nancy Grace. The committee instantly awarded Hilton several bonus points, but they still were not enough. (Come on, we're talking Herbie: Fully Loaded that Paris is competing with!) Better luck next time Paris, and good luck with that good behavior in jail.
One can only wonder who will head up the rankings next time...