The Diary of the Adventures of Superman as a Boy if He Could be a Boy Again

Superman is without a doubt the greatest superhero ever created. How do we know this? Well, Superman is the most powerful superhero and that naturally means that he must be the greatest. Let’s see, Superman can fly, he has super breath, x-ray vision, heat vision, virtual invulnerability, super speed, and so on and so forth. But those are only his most commonly used abilities. Did you know that Superman is capable of time travel? It’s true! He did it in Superman: the Movie, and in the course also violated many laws of physics. Superman is also capable of creating illusions of himself (he did it in Superman II) and telekinesis (okay maybe he didn’t do this himself in Superman II, but one of the other Kryptonians did so and this must mean that Superman can do it). And then of course one can make the claim that he is capable of actually replicating himself (did it in Superman III), but this may have actually just been a war within his own head without Clark Kent and the evil Superman actually fighting. But I have not mentioned Superman’s greatest power – one that is always overlooked. His greatest power is his ability to wear red briefs over full body covering blue tights. This ability no other superhero has been able to duplicate.

Whew! That was a mouthful. Superman often wonders what life would have been like if he had not been such a boy scout, but rather, was “bad to the bone.” Luckily enough, I have discovered Superman’s very own diary about these subjects, and now I present to you an excerpt from the Diary of the Adventures of Superman as a Boy if He Could be a Boy Again…

02-13-xxxx - I definitely had it all wrong back when I was in high school. The whole "boy scout" thing was a total waste of time. Rather than playing Mr. Niceguy, I should have been doing one simple thing: doing whatever it took to score the chicks. Case in point, I could have ruled the Peach Pit Diner back when I was growing up. I mean what did guys like Brandon and Dylan have on me back in those days, other than the fact that they looked like they were about ten years older than me while in high school, and that they were shorter with balance issues due to being staggered by the overabundance of hair products that they had to use. The only guy that I would have possibly had a problem with was Steve because he wasn't impish. Clearly I would have beaten him in a fight, but that would not have been necessary since he buttons his shirts all the way up to his neck.

So in essence, I would have had all the girls. I would have gone for them in this order: Brenda, Kelly, Andrea. I would not have touched Donna, she was hideous. But make no mistake about it, I definitely would have stolen Brenda from Brandon back then. He would have had no prayer against me. If only I could go back and rule the Peach Pit Diner...

Wait a minute, if I fly just fast enough, maybe I can... Where did I put those red briefs? - CK