Spears-Federline Rankings - March 21, 2007

There are very few people who have not heard of Kevin Federline and Britney Spears. As to whether this fact is a good thing or a bad thing is up to one's own interpretation. (It's a bad thing.) But with all that has been going on in the lives of these two very talented individuals, I thought that it would be worthwhile to periodically provide updates of the current rankings of the two. So, what follows are the current rankings between the two, with short explanations given for each. First place votes appear in parentheses.

Rankings for March 21, 2007

1. Kevin Federline (1) - Kevin Federline retains the number one ranking in this poll mainly because the voting committee has heard little about him in the past few weeks. It has been said by others that no news is good news, and I cannot think of anyone for whom this applies more than for Mr. Federline. The fact that we have heard nothing about him releasing albums, performing at concerts, and fathering children with naive, overrated young pop stars can only mean that these things are not happening (or perhaps the press has wised up and realized that this guy is better suited to being the paparazzi stalking them). And also, apparently it's Kevin Federline's birthday this week! We cannot possibly drop the guy in the rankings during his birthday week. And apparently, according to his publicist, he has two bashes scheduled this week to celebrate his birthday, which likely means that someone mistakenly called his home (wrong number) and the voice mail message that Federline left informed this unfortunate dialer that Federline would be attending two spring break wet t-shirt contests this week. (Spring break, yeah!) But in being able to afford his "publicist," Federline is showing that his gainful employment at Taco Bell is paying off.

2. Britney Spears - Britney Spears retains the number two spot in the rankings, despite making a powerful charge toward the number one spot. But if you cannot be ranked number one, being ranked number two is not all that bad. Spears's near rise to the top was propelled by her completion of rehab in twenty-seven days. And since that twenty-seven days was almost a full week longer than Ted Haggard's three week rehabilitation, that means that it must have worked! Spears has family that cares for her (an aunt is urging her to move back home to Louisiana to get the help she needs), and as far as we know, she has an insurmountable lead over Federline in this particular race. Somewhat troubling, though, is that there are rumors that she is near bankruptcy. This information lands Spears firmly behind Federline's Taco Bell toilet cleaner role in terms of gainful employment, but having no money might just prevent her from buying more booze and having to spend another stint in rehab.

This race is really heating up folks!