The Diary of the Adventures of Superman as a Boy if He Could be a Boy Again

Superman is without a doubt the greatest superhero ever created. How do we know this? Well, Superman is the most powerful superhero and that naturally means that he must be the greatest. Let’s see, Superman can fly, he has super breath, x-ray vision, heat vision, virtual invulnerability, super speed, and so on and so forth. But those are only his most commonly used abilities. Did you know that Superman is capable of time travel? It’s true! He did it in Superman: the Movie, and in the course also violated many laws of physics. Superman is also capable of creating illusions of himself (he did it in Superman II) and telekinesis (okay maybe he didn’t do this himself in Superman II, but one of the other Kryptonians did so and this must mean that Superman can do it). And then of course one can make the claim that he is capable of actually replicating himself (did it in Superman III), but this may have actually just been a war within his own head without Clark Kent and the evil Superman actually fighting. But I have not mentioned Superman’s greatest power – one that is always overlooked. His greatest power is his ability to wear red briefs over full body covering blue tights. This ability no other superhero has been able to duplicate.

Whew! That was a mouthful. Superman often wonders what life would have been like if he had not been such a boy scout, but rather, was “bad to the bone.” Luckily enough, I have discovered Superman’s very own diary about these subjects, and now I present to you an excerpt from the Diary of the Adventures of Superman as a Boy if He Could be a Boy Again…

03-13-xxxx - Man was I unbelievably wrong when I was in high school! The other day I was so incredibly bored with those whiny people in Metropolis whining about the fact that Lex Luthor had sent a nuclear powered man to devastate the city or that Bizarro had taken a bath in the sewer and was now trying to "help" people. I just needed to get away. So I decided to pull out my trusty red briefs and do some time travelling. So I did my thing, flew around the world a bunch of times and then happened to stop at this place called Bayside, CA. I happened to use my x-ray vision and I looked inside this place called The Max, and all I can say is wow! Seriously, those girls in there were hot. All I can say is that those girls would look great naked. Yes, I said naked. Well, all of them would look great naked except Jessie Spano. For some reason, I don't think that she would look great naked and that is not because I have already seen her naked with my x-ray vision.

But in all seriousness, why are these girls even bothering with these dudes at all. This Screech fellow seems like the last guy that could ever pick up chicks. He seems like the type that is much more suited to appearing in amateur porn tapes. And this Zack dude, come on! I could clearly pick up Kelly so much easier than he could. And then finally Slater? This guy is supposed to be the tough guy of the crew? Please! I would totally own this guy in a wrestling match. And would you look at the crappy wrestling tights that he wears! I would never be seen in anything like that. Well excuse me please; I have to go put on my blue body length tights with the red briefs over them and wrestle Slater into submission. The girls of Bayside will totally be mine, except for Jessie who can't possibly look hot naked.

Now where are those red briefs...