Spears-Federline Rankings - April 5, 2007

There are very few people who have not heard of Kevin Federline and Britney Spears. As to whether this fact is a good thing or a bad thing is up to one's own interpretation. (It's a bad thing.) But with all that has been going on in the lives of these two very talented individuals, I thought that it would be worthwhile to periodically provide updates of the current rankings of the two. So, what follows are the current rankings between the two, with short explanations given for each. First place votes appear in parentheses.

Rankings for April 5, 2007

Note: I do realize that this is a little early for the newest Spears-Federline Rankings, but major developments have occurred that necessitate an interim and immediate ranking to be issued.

1. Kevin Federline (1) - Kevin Federline retains the top position in the rankings for a number of reasons. Chiefly amongst these reasons is the fact that Mr. Federline did prove the committee correct in one of its New Year predictions. For those unaware, and long before the inaugural Spears-Federline Rankings, the committee had this to say on December 20, 2006: "Kevin Federline will be awarded custody of the kids. What seemed completely impossible two months ago is reality now. The train wreck which is Britney Spears has reached massive derailment, even more so than Lindsay Lohan. And as evidence of this, Lohan has recently sought the aid of a former US Vice President to help her escape her rut, whereas Britney Spears has sought the aid of Paris Hilton. Sure, Britney still has a couple of very powerful arguments she can make about Federline to the judge to try to gain custody. These arguments are (1) Federline did not want custody of his other two kids, and (2) Federline is a former backup dancer for a boy band, but alas, I think that it is game, set, match for Federerline." Sure, the train wreck that is/was Britney Spears did escalate into the massive casualty realm (akin to the train colliding with a dam after derailment and the subsequent flooding drowning many thousands - including people stuck up in a trees retrieving parrots), and this part was not truly predicted. But according to this linked story, http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17387062/, Federline will have custody of the kids for four days of the week. Since the last time I checked the week had seven days, and I have heard nothing said recently to suggest otherwise, I'm going to have to assume Mr. Federline does indeed have majority custody of the kids. This keeps him firmly entrenched at number 1 in these rankings. But just in case you needed additional convincing that Mr. Federline should stay number 1, reader Katie had this to say of the last rankings: "Additionally, Kevin now has his own search engine...this is obviously just another important reason why he should be #1 this week. The best part is that when you search you can win Federline related prizes. (http://searchwithkevin.prodege.com/)" Did you get that? The guy has a search engine where you can win Kevin Federline related prizes just by searching. That sounds like number 1 material to the committee.

2. Britney Spears - After making a hard charge at the number 1 spot in the previous rankings, Britney Spears actually loses ground in these newest rankings. Surprisingly enough, the fact that she did lose majority custody of the kids helped her cause. Since the committee awarded Mr. Federline points for helping to make the committee correct in the New Year prediction, it is only fair that the committee similarly award Ms. Spears credit for proving the committee correct as well, i.e., losing custody of the children. But if you read further into the article linked above, you will realize that this was a humiliating, landslide loss for Spears, the likes of which make difficult to find a historical comparison. According to the article (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/17387062/): (1) the prenup awarded Federline $250,000 for each year of marriage, but Spears upped this to $500,000 to speed up negotiations and (2) Federline will receive $25,000 in child support from Spears each month per child until each child is eighteen. And he even had her believing that there was a chance that they would get back together after she finished rehab. (Why was this a big selling point for her?) Folks, how can I truly make a comparison as to how much of a beatdown this was? True, Ms. Spears is not the brightest individual who has ever existed, but she was monumentally worked by an atrocious wannabe rapper, former boy band backup dancer, who by the way is an idiot. At this point I don't think that the committee itself would, nor does the committee believe that any judge in his or her right mind should, have any objection if Mr. Federline used some of this money that he is to receive from Ms. Spears to commission some sculptor to create a statue depicting this figurative asskicking that Mr. Federline just meted out to Ms. Spears. Ms. Spears has apparently said that Mr. Federline is her "biggest mistake." You don't say...

Due to these most recent events, it is tough to say when the next ranking might be released...