Pepper Spray

I was depressed for much of this weekend. True, it was great to have a few days off from work, but days off from work always end with the dreadful prospect of returning to work. And so I dolefully came into the office this morning, and as fate would have it, I made a wonderful discovery. Do you know how at times you wonder whether certain competitions have begun to lose their pizzazz? For example, let's consider the New York Knicks and the Miami Heat. During the 1990s this was a great rivalry because the teams truly hated each other. You knew that during a game between the two there was a very good chance that you would see someone get punched or see the coach of one of the teams hanging on for dear life to the legs of one of the opposing players to try to prevent someone from getting punched. And now it's at a point where no one really cares about these teams. You get the picture. And so it was that I believed the state of beauty pageants to be until I read this.

That beauty pageant contestants hate one another is no surprise. All of that nonsense where the losers are hugging the winner and saying congratulations and the like is a total farce. The first runner-up is not happy for the winner. The second runner-up is not happy for the first runner-up. Each contestant despises the person who finished one position ahead of herself because she knows that that is one more person who will need to not be able to perform the duties required of the title in order for her to ascend to the throne. However, I would not have dreamed that the hatred reached women's figure skating levels. Let's be clear, the only time you would go out of your way to sabotage someone else's chances are if you don't really believe you have a chance to win (e.g., when Tonya Harding and her group of thugs attacked Nancy Kerrigan at the 1994 US Figure Skating Championships). But putting pepper spray in an opponent's gown? Spiking the opponent's makeup? And despite all of this, Ingrid Marie Rivera still won.

I'm not saying that I am once again on board as a beauty pageant fan. (I still don't think that I'm quite over that incident back in '98 when Miss Massachusetts was clearly robbed at the Miss America Pageant. Perhaps I never will...) But these are the sorts of things that could reinvigorate interest in beauty pageants. Where are we headed next in these beauty pageant battles? Will we see the camp for one contestant spiking another contestant's drink or something so that she stays on the tanning bed much longer than desired? I don't know, but buckle up; the beauty pageant thrill ride is back on the expressway.