Spears-Federline Rankings - November 27, 2007

There are very few people who have not heard of Kevin Federline and Britney Spears. As to whether this fact is a good thing or a bad thing is up to one's own interpretation. (It's a bad thing.) But with all that has been going on in the lives of these two very talented individuals, I thought that it would be worthwhile to periodically provide updates of the current rankings of the two. So, what follows are the current rankings between the two, with short explanations given for each. First place votes appear in parentheses.

Rankings for November 27, 2007

1. Kevin Federline (1) - Kevin Federline again tops the rankings and, according to the Committee, he is making quite the charge at being named Spears-Federline Person of the Year. What has Federline been doing to so impress the Committee? Or is it what has Federline not been doing that has not irritated the Committee? In this case, Federline has been very impressive. It seems that the magazine titled Details has name Federline one of the "50 Most Influential Men under 45." Now, no one on the Committee had ever heard of Details before this story came to light, but how can the Committee argue with such a labeling of Federline? Surely there cannot be fifty more influential men under the age of forty-five than Kevin Federline. Oh, wait. Apparently Federline is ranked seventh on the list alongside Larry Birkhead, the father of Anna Nicole Smith's baby (note: Larry Birkhead's performance will place him at the top of the forthcoming Birkhead Rankings). Surely there cannot be seven more influential men under the age of forty-five than Kevin Federline. Though the Committee knew it would be a futile exercise (because Details has already told the world that there are only six), it decided to try to come up with seven. Let's see, Will Ferrell is only forty, and Lebron James turns twenty-three at the end of this year. That's two. I see that Diddy (or Puff Daddy or P. Diddy) just turned thirty-eight, and Mario Lopez is thirty-four. We're up to four already. David Beckham is only thirty-two and he still has some influence. So that's five. Let's see, only one more under 45... Oh! How about Ryan Seacrest! He turns thirty-three in about a month. Well there you have it. Just as Details says the Committee could only find six men under forty-five who are more influential than Federline. Way to go Kevin!

2. Britney Spears - At the other end of the spectrum, we have Britney Spears. As much as the Committee desperately wanted to move Spears back to the number one spot in the Spears-Federline Rankings (and in so doing mirror Spears's recent climb to number one in the Winehouse-Fielder-Civil Rankings), when Dr. Drew made the unequivocal statement that Britney is an addict, the Committee found itself overruled. While Kevin Federline is essentially being named co-father of the year by Details for allowing two of his four children to watch cartoons and trying his best to limit the time those two children spend with their drug addict mother, Britney Spears is the drug addict mother of two of Kevin Federline's children. The Committee didn't say it; Dr. Drew did. Let's recap: 1) Kevin Federline IS the father of the year and 2) Britney Spears is a drug addict.

Where is Barry Bonds on the Details list?

Note: Crap, the Committee was wrong. Ryan Seacrest is only number twenty on the list. And Barry Bonds comes in at number thirty-three...