There are very few people who have not heard of Kevin Federline and Britney Spears. As to whether this fact is a good thing or a bad thing is up to one's own interpretation. (It's a bad thing.) But with all that has been going on in the lives of these two very talented individuals, I thought that it would be worthwhile to periodically provide updates of the current rankings of the two. So, what follows are the current rankings between the two, with short explanations given for each. First place votes appear in parentheses.
Rankings for November 5, 2007
1. Kevin Federline (1) - The Committee finally decided that Kevin Federline deserved a return to the number one spot in the Spears-Federline rankings and is currently of the belief that maybe Federline never should have dropped in the rankings. The simple reason for this is that the Committee members, just like any other sensible people, do not enjoy working and thus are being kept way too busy having to keep up with all of the screw-ups in which Spears is continually involved. Perhaps it is not a lesson that should be taught to impressionable youths, but in this case, Federline must be rewarded for doing nothing.
2. Britney Spears - The Committee did not penalize Spears in the first incident when she ran over someone's foot with her car. On the contrary, the Committee actually rewarded Spears for having left a tire mark on a paparazzo's sock. The Committee believes that it must suck a lot to have idiots follow you around with nothing better to do than to take your picture. But running over a cop's feet? Come on Britney! The cops did not even arrest you when they booked you a few weeks back, and this is how you show your thanks?!? Moreover, given that Spears lost all physical custody of the kids due to violating an order from the judge that neither of the two parents, Spears or Federline, should transport the children unless in possession of a valid California driver's license, one would have thought that after running over the cop's feet that she would have at least been stopped to see if she did have the license. But what really caused the need for the Committee to convene and create new rankings were the dangerous rumors that Spears was getting cozy with Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo. This would be absolutely unacceptable since one of the Committee members has Tony Romo on one of his fantasy football teams and does not need Britney Spears train-wrecking Tony Romo's season and in the course of doing so, train-wrecking the Committee member's fantasy football team's season. (Yes, that was a mouthful.) To his credit, Romo denies rumor of any relationship, and his performance last night in destroying the Philadelphia Eagles suggests that there is nothing to this gossip. Britney, here's a suggestion; if you want to earn good favor with the Committee, then stay away from Tony Romo, Randy Moss, Braylon Edwards, and Clinton Portis.
What's that Britney? Is Tom Brady available?